


A Warlock's Experiment

by DestinyWaits



Series: Fireteam Schadenfreude: Normal Days [1]
Category: Destiny (Video Game)
Genre: Drunk Singing, Fireteam Schadenfreude, Gen, Mentions of alcohol
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-04-30
Updated: 2016-04-30
Packaged: 2018-06-05 09:45:06
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 948
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6699925
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DestinyWaits/pseuds/DestinyWaits
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>
  <i>Hypothesis: If vast amounts of alcohol is given to an Exo unit, and an idea is planted into their minds via peer pressure, then they will execute said idea without any regards to harmful consequences or social repercussions.</i>
  <br/>
</p>
<p>Tiamat decides to perform an experiment on Anat. Hilarity ensues.</p>
            </blockquote>





	A Warlock's Experiment

“Hello?”

The crowd winced as Anat tapped the mic, high-pitched feedback echoing in the small bar.  


“Heyy everybody!” the Exo slurred, swaying slightly on the small stage. “I have a reallly great song for you all tonight!”

Tiamat tried not to laugh as the Hunter almost stumbled off the stage, the crowd chuckling in amusement. This _had_ to be one of her best experiments to date. Other than the electrocution one, that one was…interesting.  


Apparently, overloading an Exo’s system with isopropyl alcohol had the same effect as a human drinking a few bottles of beer. Of course, Tiamat didn’t do it out of spite. Well, not entirely. She liked to call it a… study on the Exo physiology and how certain toxins may affect their state of being. Yeah, that sounded official enough.

_Hypothesis: If vast amounts of alcohol is given to an Exo unit, and an idea is planted into their minds via peer pressure, then they will execute said idea without any regards to harmful consequences or social repercussions._  


Anat’s drunken voice echoed in the small room. “I’d just like to dedicate this to one of my closestest friends. She’s always there for me, and always listens to me, and I love her soooo much.”

Tiamat looked at the Titan next to her. Like always, Atlas’ face was carefully blank. To any other person, she looked bored, but to the Warlock, she can see the warmth of affection as the Titan made eye contact with the Exo on stage.  


_These two are so cute, what the hell._  


The Hunter smiled lopsidedly at Atlas, then looked at the crowd again and added: “I also like how she tieds my hands together to the beds posts whenever I ask her to, because her fingers look soooo hot whenever she does that. And I always finish too!”

_Oh my god._  


An awkward silence filled the room. Tiamat grimaced at the onslaught of images the Exo’s speech brought up. As much as she loved her friends, details about their sex life is _not_ something she wants to hear.

_Please don’t say any more._  


Glancing at Atlas, she can see that the Titan is trying (and failing) to keep her face straight. She can see the slight horror in the girl’s widened eyes.

_Thank the Traveler Klymene is out on a Crucible run, holy shit.  
_

“Welll!” Anat attempted to clap her hands together, missing entirely, “Let’s get thises song started!”

A pre-Golden Age song started blaring out of the speakers. It sounded upbeat and rhythmic, the notes of synthetic instruments filling the small room.  


_Wait._  


Anat started aggressively dancing to the beat. She looked like a fish taken out of water, with her arms flailing around, almost making the microphone stand fall off the stage.  


Tiamat heard a small groan next to her, then a soft thump of something hitting the bar table.

_Is this…?_

“Abzu,” she pulled out her Ghost, “Start recording this please.”

Abzu nodded, blue eye focused on the Hunter dancing onstage.  


Anat took hold of the microphone stand as the music slightly faded. She started singing, her voice off-key.  


**“ _We’re no strangers to love_**

**_You know the rules, and so do I”_ **

Tiamat groaned. She knew _exactly_ what this song was. She studied it extensively when she heard the Cryptarchs talked about this song, labeling it as ‘humanity’s legacy’.

_That’s ten hours of my life I can never get back._

**_“A full commitment’s what I’m thinking of_ **

**_You wouldn’t get this from any other guy”_ **  


The audience started to cheer, the Hunter belting out the song like she was the lead of a concert. She looked like she was attempting to dance, her body writhing around on stage.

_**“I just wanna tell you how I’m feeling** _

_**Gotta make you understand”** _

Anat pointed at their table, straight at Atlas, who was watching out of the corner of her eye, her head still on the bar table. The Exo was energetically bopping her head up and down to the beat. The crowd was clapping along, Anat’s antics making them grin widely.

Anat closed her eyes, her face an expression of passion, shouting the words of the song into the microphone.

_**“Never gonna give you up**_

_**Never gonna let you down** _

_**Never gonna run around and desert you”** _

Atlas started lightly thumping her head against the bar. Anat started shaking her side to side, eyes still closed, her free hand on her chest, as if she can feel the emotions bursting out from her heart.

_This is **way** better than the electrocution experiment._  


_**“Never gonna make you cry** _

_**Never gonna say goodbye** _

_**Never gonna tell a lie and hurt y-”** _

Anat abruptly stopped singing as she tripped, sending her face first to the ground in front of the stage, microphone still clutched in her hand.  


_Ooh, ouch._

The crowd stopped clapping, a collective gasp of surprise giving way to silence, the sound of Anat’s whirring the only thing making noise. Tiamat and Atlas stood up, ready to make their way to her, when the Hunter triumphantly held up the hand holding the mic. Everyone started cheering, woots and whistles filling the room.

Atlas and Tiamat sighed in relief as Anat shakily stood up and gave a deep bow, beaming at the crowd. The Exo looked over at the duo, making a heart with her hands. Atlas shook her head, smiling warmly at Anat. Tiamat gave her two thumbs-up, smiling widely.

The Warlock turned to her Ghost. “Abzu, did you get all of that?”

Nodding, he showed Tiamat a sped-up version of the video, detailing the very beginning of the song to Anat’s fall in the end.

“Perfect.”

_Hypothesis Supported._  


**Author's Note:**

> I listened to this song for an hour straight while writing this
> 
> Hope you enjoyed!


End file.
